I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
