i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize