Where are you?
In a non slutty way
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
