i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
