I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
