Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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