If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
