I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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