carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
