I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
