K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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