i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
