DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Terrible idea I love it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
