tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think a kid would responsible me up
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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