my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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