she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need to calm my uterus...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
