The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
