we're chasing vodka with high fives
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize