walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize