she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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