my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
