OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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