So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
