I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
