What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The cops high fived after they tackled you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
