You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
