My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
