i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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