so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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