your thong is hanging out like whoa
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
