Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I smell stomach acid.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize