The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
