His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
