omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
