Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
