I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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