I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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