Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
