I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
