Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize