So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
