you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
