but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
