Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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