Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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