What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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