Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
