Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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