8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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