in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
