Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
