wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize