I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is Oprah even human
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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