you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
