Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
