so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You took a bar mat shot.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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