But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
