I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize