...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize