Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
