remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
