he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
