I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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