Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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