thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
