mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
