Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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