VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
