Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
